Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
In reflecting on what I want to speak about on November 14, I felt grateful because a few new insights came to me.
My participation in our 12 Step Spirituality program at Colonial Church, with its focus on Step 11, began as a teacher of Centering Prayer. Inspired by the humility and honesty of the many folks who share their stories at Colonial, I began to feel safe enough to speak about my long history dealing with some self-defeating and relationship-harming qualities which might be called codependent.
On October 14, I want to speak about how, through wanting to be in control and in charge of my life, I painfully discovered the delusional quality of some of my efforts at showing love. I saw how faulty expectations of myself, which had become habitual, often stemmed from a false self that sought approval and affection. I needed, and then found, a new perspective, which came from realizing my self’s center is not in myself but in God.
As my experience continues to teach me, "Came to believe that a power greater ourselves could restore us to sanity" is not a one-time experience that I was graced with when I worked Step 2 “correctly” early on in my recovery.
As my relationship with my higher power had deepened over time, I’ve also become more aware of motivations and actions based on the values and needs of my false self. And that awareness has prompted an ever more urgent need to depend on my higher power for a "restoration to sanity."
Step 2 presents a continuing opportunity for me to remember my need for Grace.
On November 14 I’ll share some of my experience with "coming to believe" early on, as well as how actively working Step 2, in conjunction with centering prayer, has helped me to face fear and anxiety. I’ll talk, too, about how this Step has enriched my relationship with my higher power and with others.